Many people look forward to the fun, family and food that come with the holidays. But for people struggling with an eating disorder, the holidays can be extremely challenging.
Below, you’ll learn more about why the holidays can trigger eating disorder behaviors. We’ll also go over ways to support people who have eating disorders and how to navigate the holidays if you have one.
Why the holidays can be triggering for people with eating disorders
The holidays can be stressful for all of us, but holiday meals and get-togethers can be especially tough for people with eating disorders.
Most eating disorders aren’t just about food – they’re also about emotions. Holidays can bring up strong emotions. And if these emotions are overwhelming or uncomfortable, a person may be more likely to use eating disorder behaviors as a way to help them feel in control and to protect themselves.
Stress and anxiety about the holidays
Family dynamics and expectations around the holidays can increase feelings of stress and anxiety. Someone with an eating disorder may feel anxious about being in groups of people, especially when it comes to eating. They may have a specific anxiety about other people seeing what and how much they eat. And eating around others can make them feel emotionally vulnerable and unsafe. (It doesn’t help that families are often pushy when it comes to food.)
Fear of gaining weight or guilt about eating
A person with an eating disorder may have a strong fear of gaining weight or feel ashamed or guilty about overeating. Since holiday foods tend to be richer and more indulgent than everyday foods, even a small amount can feel like too much or overeating to a person with an eating disorder.
Comments from others
Conversations with others can bring up negative thoughts or feelings. A person may feel like they’re being judged for their appearance, behaviors or personality – even if a comment wasn’t intended to be critical or mean.
Culturally, we make a lot of statements about food, body, weight and shape that may be shaming or triggering. For example, a person might say something like, “Well, I better not eat this. It will go straight to my hips.”
These types of comments can feel directed at the person who struggles, even if it was not intended.
Unfamiliar foods
Unfamiliar foods can cause discomfort and anxiety for people with eating disorders, leading to restrictive eating before, during or after holiday events. This can be especially true for people with anorexia or avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). People with ARFID are strongly sensitive to taste or texture, or fear that eating will cause vomiting, choking or pain.
Changes in routines
Structured eating and meal plans are often very important to eating disorder recovery because they help people feel in control and avoid triggers that may cause eating disorder behaviors. Holiday meals and gatherings disrupt the normal routines, and this loss of control may make someone feel overwhelmed or uncertain.
6 ways to support someone with an eating disorder during the holidays
Here are some ways to make get-togethers less stressful for people with eating disorders.
1. Find other ways to spend time with your loved ones
Focus on the time spent together and not on what you’re eating. Plan other activities that do not involve food, such as games, singing carols, opening gifts, decorating and spending time just talking together.
2. Don’t focus on what they’re eating
Know that the holidays can be very stressful. And it’s best not to make a big deal about what your loved one is (or isn’t) eating.
3. Don’t talk about appearance, weight or size
Avoid talking about the diets, weight or size of yourself or others. It can cause great anxiety and may trigger eating disorder symptoms. If someone else brings up these topics, try to steer the conversation in another direction.
4. Try to notice things that are causing them stress or anxiety
Offer support and be aware of what may be creating anxiety. Try to intervene in subtle ways. For example, if it looks like a conversation is making them uncomfortable, draw them away to help with a certain task. If they seem stressed by the large amounts of food on the nearby counter, find somewhere else to talk.
5. If possible, plan ahead
If you know someone who is recovering from an eating disorder, ask them what you can do to make them more comfortable during the holidays. For example, you could ask if there’s a food item they’d like at the meal or if they’d like to bring something to share.
6. Talk to them in private – preferably on another day
If you think someone may have an eating disorder, it’s natural to want to talk to them about it. After all, you care about them and want them to be healthy. But having a conversation about eating disorder behavior during the holiday get-together is likely to make a stressful day, even more stressful. So, it’s better to have the conversation on another day.
Before you have the conversation, take time to learn about eating disorders and find helpful resources to share. Then, when you talk to them, keep the following in mind:
- Begin with love and concern. “I’m worried about you. Things seem different with you.”
- Talk about specific behaviors that are concerning. This includes things like isolation, losing interest in their hobbies or activities, and over-exercising. Avoid words about their body size, weight or shape, such as skinny, sickly, heavy or obese.
- Be a good listener, don’t shame them. Ask questions about how they’re feeling about themselves or about their life.
- Offer to help them find answers and support. (You can help them schedule an eating disorder assessment at Melrose Center by calling 952-993-4100.)
7 tips for navigating the holidays with an eating disorder
Navigating holidays with an eating disorder can be tough. These are things you can do to help stay on track with an eating disorder recovery.
1. Find your support team
Find at least one person you can count on. Let them know that holiday get-togethers can be hard for you and how they can help you get through it – whether it’s using a skill to prevent an eating disorder behavior or distracting you.
2. Plan for holiday eating
It’s fine (and good) to try new foods. But with so many choices, having a plan can help make holiday eating feel less stressful. Before a holiday gathering, think about the foods you expect to see or ask the host what will be on the menu. Then consider where you’ll eat, what you’ll eat and how much. And remember, your treatment team is there to help you plan for holiday eating, if that would be helpful.
3. Be intentional about food
It can be helpful to practice mindful eating. Eat when you’re moderately hungry and choose the foods you want to eat. Slow down and savor your food, and stop when you’re satisfied. Sticking to your regular eating schedule is key. Don’t skip meals.
4. Don’t deprive yourself of your favorite foods
The holidays don’t have to mean choosing between food deprivation or weight gain. It’s possible to find the middle ground. You can enjoy your favorite holiday foods as part of a complete celebration.
5. Think about the skills you can use to prevent eating disorder behaviors
For many people, the best way to prevent eating disorder behaviors is getting away from negative thoughts. So think about what you could do to clear your head if your thoughts start to cycle. Can you bookmark interesting articles to read on your phone? Are there funny online videos you could watch?
6. Plan how to answer questions
Your family cares about you and wants to make sure that you are happy and healthy. Still, it can be very uncomfortable to answer questions about the way you look or your eating disorder recovery. So before the get-together, think about how you might answer these questions. And remember, it’s totally fine to just say something like, “I’m glad that you care about me, and I’m getting the help that I need.”
7. Have compassion for yourself
Always remember that your worth has nothing to do with eating behaviors. Overeating once in a while (for example, around the holidays) is perfectly normal. And if you use an eating disorder behavior, forgive yourself and move on.
Every new day is a new opportunity to practice the skills that get you closer to eating disorder recovery. If you need support for eating disorder recovery, call the Melrose Center at 952-993-4100.
Learn more about navigating the holidays with an eating disorder on the Melrose Heals podcast
The Melrose Heals podcast is designed to explore, discuss and understand eating disorders. Learn more about how to get through the holidays and stay on track with eating disorder recovery.